A Change In Perspective

My name is Nichole, I write sometimes but as you'll see, not all of it makes sense. Actually, most don't. A free and quiet bird. I revere silence because the world's loud enough as it is.
 Instagram: xi.nic

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Anytime someone shows some short of romantic interest in me, I shy away. Why is that? Even I can’t seem to answer. Everyday I look around and is reminded of the fact that I’m always alone. (Mind you, I don’t have a problem with being alone but sometimes, I admit, it gets lonely.) Seeing couples walking about hand-in-hand makes me long for the warmth of another — yet every time he says he misses me, I can’t bring myself to say it back.

Maybe it’s because of this gaping hole inside my chest that’s been taken away by mistrust and insecurities, or maybe it’s just because I haven’t found the right one. Maybe this year’s not the right time or maybe it’s because I’ve accepted the fact that I’m broken, but have yet to believe that I can be repaired. Whatever the reason, I continue to shy away and because of it, sometimes I feel lonely. 

I’m sorry.

If I had known,
I’d hold onto you tighter,
kiss you more often
and apologize for all the heartaches I’ve caused.

I know that I’m hard to love. On some days, I’ll be all smiles and affection and on other days, there’s nothing I want more than to be alone.

Sometimes I’ll get angry over stupid things and will refuse to be loveable. But almost always, I’ll think you’re perfect.

Please don’t give up on me. I know it’s not easy but I’ll always come back to you.

— Letters to the next (I hope you try)

Today’s one of those days
when everything in the world feel sickening
and it sucks to even exist.

I told him, “I’m afraid I won’t remember what happens.”

And he said, “no worries; It’s more fun to live in the moment anyways! Memories may fade, but feelings are eternal.”

Damn him for saying such a great line.

❝He’d never cared much for strawberries, but that summer her lips were so stained with the juices that they were all he tasted.
And he’d never had a favourite fruit, but two years later, a new girl is sat in front of him, laughing at his jokes.
“If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?” She asks playfully.
And he remembers how her hands traced the veins in his neck and made their way across his chest. He remembers her soft breathing and limbs draped across his shoulders.
“Strawberries.” He tells her. “I could live a life on nothing but strawberries.❞

There is no way for you to know
how much it hurt when you walked away.
Because everybody loves differently. Because
for every type of love there’s a different degree.
I loved you with every particles of my being that even
brown strands remember the gentleness of your touch.
But even then,
it wasn’t enough.
So when you said goodbye, my eyes wept
and my heart died. You told me you understood
my pain but that you’re sorry.
There was no other way. 

You’re wrong. Even if there was a way,
there is no way for you to know
how much it hurt when you walked away.
Because I loved you so much that it’s hard to breath,
but you didn’t love me enough not to say goodbye.

❝You are made
out of comets
and stars.

Do not surround
yourself with those
that treat you like
dirt and dust.❞
Noor Shirazie